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Hello everyone, and welcome to the 2019 “Q2 with a view towards Q3 and beyond” meeting.

This is also being combined with the Garage Owner’s Address To Stakeholders, or GOATS for shortness and ease of use. Having the same acronym as Greatest Of All Time is purely coincidence.

Thank you all for coming.

2019 has been a very good year so far for Lyons Garages, with output from the garage being on a decidedly upward trajectory. We’re cautiously optimistic that the red line will keep going in the good direction – the up direction.

We believe that Lyons Garages success is a validation of our company’s 2D strategy. As a reminder, here are those ‘D’s: Dedication, Design, and David Lyons. The 3rd D is silent, much like the manual labour I put in.

We regularly get asked questions like “What have you been up to?” and “How much longer will I have to wait until my car is finished and I can drive it because it’s been 22 months now and even my dog has left me.” But here at Lyons Garages, we don’t like to dwell on our past achievements, and so we tend to look forward… towards what we can, and probably/maybe will do. Eventually.

In saying all that, this is a review so here it goes: The MG Midget in Aston Martin silvery blue is almost at the finish line, as is a green MGB Roadster. Another green MGB, imagine! It's like they only ever built them in red or green. We said goodbye to a Ford Capri, a Fiat 500, an MGB and an MGA, but it was the Capri that hit us the hardest… So many unused puns and jokes about the Capri sounding like ceaparí – the Irish for sandwiches. But I digress, this should only be a snack sized update on what we’ve done. (“Snack”… I’ve still got it!)

To round up the short review – We did our traditional trip to the Essen Motor Show in Germany, got a few ideas, saw a few things, and had a beer or two. Weather-wise it hasn’t been what we expected, and the delay in my shipment of fake tan has not helped matters. Also, Cooper the cat is doing well, thanks for asking.

Looking ahead then to Q3 and the fact that we have a lot done but more to do, should bring us nicely to Q4.

No, but really. We have MGs, Jaguars, Minis and more to get through, but if you’d like to get on the waiting list you know how to contact us. If you don’t, then we’re not doing our marketing very well and we’ll probably fire the intern in charge. Just click the link while we find a replacement.

As is the tradition, we’ll keep treating you to amazing photos of the amazing work carried out by our amazing team. You’ll find said photos on Facebook and Instagram. Amazing.

And finally, let us say that as the world’s greatest sports car restoration team here in the Malibu of Ireland, we welcome your feedback. We don’t take it, but we welcome it all the same.

You know, people often never ask me what it is that we do on a typical day. I usually hear them never shout across the street “Hey! What is it that you do on a typical day at the greatest car restoration garage in the world?”

And it got me thinking. “What do we do?” After a brief moment of reflection followed by a nice almond milk (unsweetened) cappuccino, I decided to expose our secrets and let the world know how we go about creating the most beautiful cars in Ireland, and therefore the world.

It begins each morning at 4am. The automotive engineers of Lyons Garages rise to meet the new day at Spanish Point beach, or as it’s more commonly known – The Malibu of Ireland. It’s the perfect place to greet the morning sun, with 4 hours of silent meditation.

From there, it’s a brisk jog down to the car stables, where each car is lovingly uncovered and gently awoken with a softly spoken “Good Morning”.

For those that are undergoing major surgery, we tell them that everything is going to be ok, showing them sketches of their new look, with Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’ providing the backdrop to this perfect scene.

After paint work, the cars are required to go through a stage we like to call ‘paint massage’. Along with using only the softest vegan wool and gentle vegan massage cream, the paint is misted, using only the tears of our engineers to ensure that perfect lifelong shine.

Our favourite moment though, comes as we rebuild these machines and prepare to return them home to their owners. Each car is fed with only the most caring of oils and fuel, all of which have been humanely sourced, cage free and grain fed.

To ensure that heavenly glow and aura of perfection, every car is ordained by our good friend Pope Francis, the Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province. And then, before departing the Lyons Garage stables, where they were free to roam and recover, each car is serenaded by the healing music of Westlife.

Some might call this overkill, but the next time you take a spin in a Lyons Garage car and you murder that silky smooth GT or roadster down the motorway… Well, who’s the killer now Asshole?

Lyons Garages. We didn’t invent the classic car, just perfected it.

Actually, nobody invented the classic car; they’re just cars that got old. But you know what I mean.

My dearest friends, and even those of you who I don’t like but would probably still have tea with. Maybe. Welcome to another edition of “What have we been doing? Because I don’t know myself, and customers have been ringing asking me how their cars are getting on and I haven’t a notion!”

Got a new phone there, it’s a Huawei. Either pronounced Wah-weh or How-ah-yee. I think I prefer the second one, because it’s like saying ‘how are ye’. But not.

We must move on. I’m too easily distracted. But before we do: What five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Just to note: applications are now closed for our graduate programme, but we’ll re-open it post-Christmas. ‘Magine, here we are talking about Christmas and it’s not even Hallowe’en. Where did the days go at all at all? One minute it was a heatwave and the next thing you know the bins have blown over because of the wind. I even had to turn on the wipers recently – the absolute horror.

So, we’ve got a new toy – A Mk II MGA. That means Mark Two, so it’s not to be confused with people called Mark who are sons of fathers called Mark. Feel free to send any and all ideas you may have on how to make it beautiful and we’ll definitely give you credit for your idea. Definitely. Smiley face.

The Ford Capri is looking fierce mighty, with the engine dropped back into the metallic grey engine bay, I suppose you could say it’s motoring now. Motoring! Where did I pull that joke from? Gas… GAS!! Like petrol! Stop that, I’m hopping today.

Hang on a second there, I must walk around here… There’s a Mini being warmed up for primer, an MGB Roadster sitting up high ready for metal work, there’s another MGB Roadster awaiting some paint, then there’s a Clubman, a Celica, another MGA, a Jaguar, a Mini… you get the idea. “This isn’t my first rodeo” You, at your second rodeo.

Did you know that we wrote up some winter tips for you? Just you though so don’t share this information with anyone. It’s here for you: Clicky clicky

Isn’t it strange that it’s impossible to bob your head back and forth while keeping your mouth open? Weird huh?

Our little Fiat 500 has gone out to pasture in fields yonder. The tears have now dried so all the best and best of luck to the new owner.

Well that update was much shorter than I thought, this new kettle boils awfully quick. Sorry, I would’ve offered you a cup but sure then I’d have to clean it afterwards and that’s a lot of effort to be fair.

Remember, we’re on all the big social medias – The Book (Facebook) Insta (Instagram) and YouTube (don’t have a cool word for that yet and we're just starting in the video world so bear with us…). Make sure you’re following, keep the sympathy likes flowing, and tell all your friends about how great we are. Then we’ll be big on all the big social medias!

Ok safe home, we'll chat soon. ATB, GB.

C’mere. We must talk. Tea? Coffee? What do you mean bottled water? Get yourself a glass, there’s a tap over there.

So where was I… Ah yes, I said we need to talk. To be honest, I’ve already forgotten what I was going to say so we’re just going to have to wing it from here.

Last weekend we ventured to England. On the ferry, through Wales, down the road, around the corner, skirting by Southampton, and finally arriving in a place called Lyndhurst which is beside another place called Beaulieu. (Best of luck trying to pronounce that one pal).

 

Ford Capri in primer
Ford Capri in primer

 

Hang on, I’m just copying and pasting here… “the iconic and double-award winning International Autojumble; the biggest outdoor sale of motoring items this side of the Atlantic.

With over 2000 stands at this signature Beaulieu event, each one groaning with all kinds of vintage and classic motoring ephemera, it is often said “If you can’t find it at Beaulieu it doesn’t exist!”

The International Autojumble is regarded as the place to locate and purchase even the most elusive motoring parts, accessories, automobilia, literature, tools and clothing. There is something for everyone - and plenty of bargains to be had!”

Some spiel that. Motoring ephemera no less, now for you! Followed up by some classic British banter saying if you can’t find it, it doesn’t exist. Lol. Which means laugh out loud, and not lots of love. That was fairly awkward when I had to pass on news about a pet dying and then ending my message with LOL.

Any who, we went, we saw, we purchased and we saw some more. I’m sure you’ve been following our updates on the book (Facebook, but as we’re beyond cool we call it the book), so you’ll have seen the lunch based updates on the Capri and the Clubman, and you possibly even did see our ad looking for a few lucky people to come join us? You have? Good job. Now go tell your friends. Thanks ex oh.

While we were floating around Beau…. England, we called into the Bonham’s car auction. You can have a look at the results here: Clicky Clicky

You ready for some real talk? Buckle up. Now, we know that it’s pretty much a buyer’s market. Those who were more interested in profit than the cars themselves aren't the buying force they were a couple of years ago. So that means it’s perfect for enthusiasts who are still willing to buy the right car at the right price. Magic.

But, we soon discovered that a lot of cars didn’t seem to even be making their estimates. Lemme explain my research and findings to you real quick. Please note: All facts and figures are correct at time of going to print and were definitely not made up. I would never lie. Honest.

 

MGB Roadster engine bay
MGB Roadster engine bay

 

A 1996 Aston Martin DB7 coupé sold for a measly £13,491. A 1989 Ferrari Testarossa sold for £60,950 – that’s a car that commands upwards of 100,000. A 1959 MGA 1600 Roadster sold for £18,400. An Austin Healey… Ah, that’s probably enough explaining for now, you get the picture I’m trying to paint here. I’m a very talented artist, I know. Basically, cars were being sold for well below their estimate.

So that got us thinking, might it be that Brexit has finally hit the classic car market in the UK meaning that it could be an even better prospect to buy a classic from? Might people who invested in these cars be just trying to get out now at any price? Might it be time for tea? And is now the right time for us lucky people that are still part of the EU to take a look at buying a more upmarket marque?

Long story short, we’re going write up some pieces on which classics are worth looking into now. Why? Because we know our stuff when it comes to cars and we’d like to share this glorious knowledge with you. Knowing so much makes your head heavy, and my shoulders are tired enough from carrying the team in the garage.

I’d just like to say that this new writing project has nothing to do with the fact that I got a new laptop and the keyboard makes a lovely tippy tappy sound when I type. Nothing.

We’ll get some posts up shortly, so keep your oranges peeled. Look after yourself. Say hi to the family for me.

P.S. If you're not following us on the social medias, what are you doing with your life? Certainly not living your best life anyways.

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Ahh, hello! Come in, come in. Make yourself at home, there’s water in the tap.

How you been? Said one bean to the other. Well, we’ve been busy I suppose… busy on holidays in Germany looking at some cars and comparing their standard to ours. They should be ashamed of themselves, or at least they will be when we put our cars on display there next year.

I’m talking about the classic car show in Essen! They don’t understand the whole “you’ll take twenty, you will, ahh you will” during haggling though. Lovely spot that Essen place, or so I’ve heard. We spent the weekend in the Messe and stayed in Dusseldorf. The Messe in Essen… I suppose you could say we spent the weekend Messen – nothing new there really.

Happy Easter! And April Fool’s Day! This could actually be too much for one day. Just like that time I found out that all mirrors look like eyeballs up close.

You’re probably here for the garage update though are you? Fine.

There’s a lovely Mini 35 in the changing rooms trying on its first coat, a nice little metallic number for Spring/Summer ’18. I woke up in a cold sweat last night actually, what if I’m still the ‘it’ from a game of tag we never finished as children?

Also in paint is an MGB Roadster. It’s looking fierce well in white. Why? Because, we ran out of colour paint. Then there’s a Mini Pick Up, a Ford Capri, an MGB Roadster, another MGB Roadster (that’s three, are you keeping count?), an MGA, another Mini…

Here’s a snack-sized update on the Capri. Gettit? Because Capri sounds like ceapairí. That’s the Irish for sandwiches lads, you’ll really have to brush up on your Irish. The suspension all around is looking tip top, and the metal work is almost complete. Just being honest, it’s going to look unbelievable. It’s just a pity that it’s a 2.8 injection… because you’ll never get a chance to see it.

Apart from that, we’re trying to flog the Fiat 500 to some poor sod… I joke. It’s a great car with great potential, so if you’re one of our 5 million monthly readers and you fancy a slice of Italy, you know what to do – order a pizza and give us a call.

And now that I’m finished on the internet for the day, I suppose I better grab my phone and see what the other, smaller internet is up to. Oh! I almost forgot – if you want to learn how to create cars that have been described as: ‘Pieces of art’ (Irish Examiner, 2017), ‘Greatest thing since packaged peeled mandarin oranges’ (myself, 2018), and ‘Wow’ (recent customer, 2016), give us a call or email. We’ve a lot of work and only 9 hands.

Go easy on the chocolate. Have a lovely weekend now, goodnight, goodbye, good luck!

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